Hello, dolly!

Well, Dear Ones, I bet you thought I was never going to let up on that James Arthur Ray "Sweatgate" story. And I haven't entirely, of course – the conversation is still alive and kicking on my Whirled – but I felt it was time to share a little bit of positive news. As you may know from reading a couple of my recent pre-Sweatgate posts on this blog, our friend Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale, (who also happens to be one of James Ray's friends and co-stars in The Secret), recently went to Russia to spread the good news to the Russians about the Law Of Attraction. He had scads of adventures and misadventures there, but one really good thing that happened to him was that he discovered an amazing Russian magic doll that has been kept a secret for centuries, until now.

And what better place to find a centuries-old secret than Russia? Russia, as Joe 'splains it, is "a land of wisdom and mystery, magic and miracles. It holds more secrets than you or I could ever imagine." I happen to agree with him on that point, and I even wrote a scholarly, meticulously researched piece about the mystical wonders of Russia. Actually, though, Joe says that his magic dolly may not have originated in Russia. He says it may very well have Buddhist roots, and since Joe is the Buddha of the Internet and all, I imagine he knows what he's talking about when it comes to anything about Buddhism. (Well, except when he doesn't.)

Joe's first wrote about his little doll, called Hochun or Hoshun (from the Russian verb, "I want") on his blog shortly after he got back from Russia. Hoshun can help make all of your wishes come true. Okay, the truth is that a single Hoshun can only help make one wish come true, and if you want help on another wish you have to buy another doll, and then if you have yet another wish you have to buy yet another doll, and so forth. [Note: See November 4 update below. ~CC] But that's no problem because Joe, who is always looking out for your well-being, has made special arrangements to help bring the magic of Hoshun into your life. He has teamed up with his buddy Pat O'Bryan to sell you as many dolls as you could possibly want. (If you follow the link to the magic dolly site, you have to watch the video. You just have to.) 

But wait, there's more! You can, according to the PPS on the site, also buy "Hoshun Secret Clothing," coffee mugs, and more, "at a secret site you'll get when you order Hoshun." Hoshun's image is apparently so powerful that it works whether it's in the form of a dolly or a two-dimensional image on a mug or a piece of Secret Clothing.

Now, you may be wondering why Joe teamed up with Pat O'Bryan for something like this. After all, as Joe puts it, "Pat tends to be skeptical. He doesn't swallow woo-woo or spirit guides easily, if at all." And I'm pretty sure that's true, since Pat is normally a purveyor of strictly scientifical products such as (yes, you knew I was going to mention this, didn't you?) the amazing Psychic Demand method. But as it turns out, there is no contradiction between the magical aspect of Hoshun and Pat's hard-nosed skepticism. Pat, being the science guy he is, "saw the value of Hoshun as a 'brain tool' to install your intention in your mind." I know that may be a little too complex and technical to most of you, as it was to me, but you just have to trust these guys because they know how your mind works.

But how does Hoshun work? Well, again, it's pretty technical, but I will try to explain it in plain English. Hoshun doesn't have any pupils in his eyes when you first buy him, which means he is blind. But he is longing to see, and he'll do anything for the person who helps him see. That's you. You draw one of his pupils in – but just one, mind you – and you tell him your wish. Then with that one functional eyeball Hoshun watches you as you work to make your wish come true.

You also get some "breakthrough audios" with your Hoshun, created especially for you by Joe and Pat to support you in your efforts. I'm thinking it might behoove you to watch that video of Joe on the magic dolly site again, and there might be added benefits if you let Hoshun watch the video with you. Of course, with just one eye Hoshun's depth perception might be compromised, but it shouldn't pose much of a problem since there isn't all that much depth to perceive, if you catch my meaning.

Once Hoshun has his working eyeball and you have begun taking inspired action on your wish or goal, you're supposed to take your dolly with you as a constant reminder of that goal or wish. He will serve as an inspiration, silently cheering you on. Joe says Hoshun is working on a "psychological level, a mystical level, an energy level, and a metaphysical level." But I can't help thinking of that creepy wind-up doll in the commercial for the prescription antidepressant Pristiq. The depressed woman takes Pristiq and gets better, but apparently she still has to take the doll with her everywhere, even on family picnics. I find that pretty disturbing. (Here's the link, in case you haven't seen it. And if you're getting a bit of deja vu here, it's because I already discussed the Russian dolly a little bit in the discussion following one of my previous blog posts, and in my comment I also mentioned the Pristiq doll.)

So on you go about your business, working to reach your goal, while Hoshun peers at you with his single eyeball. I suppose it's up to you if you want to let him watch you shower or perform other private activities. If that's how you get your thrills, go for it. Once your wish is granted or your goal is reached, you draw in Hoshun's other pupil so he can really see your triumph. Then you think up another wish, buy another Hoshun (or print another picture of your Hoshun dolly, as the case may be), do the pupil-drawing ritual, listen to the audios, work on your wish by taking inspired action, and so on. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I am not sure what you are supposed to do with your first Hoshun once you bring another one into your home, or how you handle it if the Hoshuns get jealous of each other and start secretly plotting to cancel out each other's work on your behalf. Maybe Joe and Pat could sell a magic Hoshun harmonizer to help all of your Hoshuns work in concert for you.

Now, I know you may be thinking, "Gee, Cosmic Connie, this sounds pretty good, but it's unproven technology. Does this magic dolly really work?" I'm glad you asked. Joe says it does work, and he 'splains why:

Here are three reasons this secret genie works:
1. For one thing, just using him to help you be clear about what you want was eye-opening. He forced me to be clear. This alone is priceless. As you know, you can't have what you can't articulate.
2. For another, having Hoshun sitting near me was a great mental trigger. He constantly reminded me of my intention, or wish. I knew this was working on my unconscious mind. I also knew this was sending my wish into the 'well of the universe'. As you know, being reminded of your intention is how you get your hidden powers to attract it to you.
3. Finally, even if you are so skeptical that you think a "secret genie" is nonsense, then at least consider the power of the placebo. Studies prove that belief in a pill can help cure any disease. Think about that. There are centuries of built-up belief in this secret Russian wish maker. Even if you don't actually buy it right now, the hundreds of thousands of people who have believed in it have infused it with the power of a diety [sic].

Wow. That last item contains an absolutely amazing explanation of how the placebo effect works. Who knew?

I'm sure that by now you're almost convinced to buy at least one of Joe and Pat's dolls. But you might still be wondering, "How much of an investment am I going to have to make?" Once again, here's Joe:

When you consider that this secret genie will do anything you want in order to get his eyesight, he's probably worth thousands of dollars to you.
After all, anything that can help you attract what you want is clearly worth a lot of money, right?
How much?
I think we should sell Hoshun for $997.
But considering most people are worried about the economy right now -- I think they should get Hoshun to fix it -- we decided to offer you Hoshun for a very low, fair price.
You can have a Hoshun of your very own for only $39.99.
Considering this is like having a genie to do your bidding, I think the price is a steal.
After all, what's a secret magic genie worth?

"What's a secret magic genie worth?" asks Josef. I realize his question might be rhetorical, but I am thinking that maybe we should try to answer it anyway. Perhaps Joe's buddy James Arthur Ray could shed some light on that one.
If you follow the link on Joe and Pat's site, you can get your Hoshun magic right away via download.
 
I suspect that even though I have taken the time to patiently explain how the magic Russian dolly works, some of you may still be skeptics. In fact a friend of mine, upon hearing about Joe's newest scheme, wrote, "Just when I think he couldn't surprise me any more, he pulls something else out of his ass."
Little did he realize that where Mr. Fire is concerned, that may be more than just a figure of speech. But maybe we'll save that one for another time.

Update, 4 November: Although my contributors and I have kept this story (such as it is) pretty well updated via discussions in the "Comments" section, I'm bringing the highlights up to the front page.

The most important point, in case it isn't obvious from all of the discussions whirling around the Net (and here on my Whirled, for that matter) is that the Hoshun dolly picture that Joe and Pat are selling is not the actual Hochun doll that Joe says he was given by a Russian fan. (And apparently the person who gave it to him was indeed a fan of his, but by presenting the Hochun dolls to him she was also earnestly seeking a business partnership with Joe. At least that's what the linked message in the previous sentence would indicate. I'll have an update on that as verifiable information comes to me.) In any case, what Joe and Pat are selling is not the doll but a two-dimensional image of the Hochun figure. Moreover, at some point between the time I first wrote this blog post and now – one follower tells me it was the day after my post was published – Joe and Pat changed their offer, so your forty bucks will now give you the right to a "lifetime supply" (that is, unlimited printouts) of your wish-dolly figure. What a bargain, huh?

Yet even with this lifetime bargain addition, there has been a flurry of criticism about the dolly, prompting Joe and Pat to take corrective marketing action via emails and Tweets, including rare backup from Joe's sweetie, Nerissa (here and here, so far). There's even another blog post from Joe himself, defending the idea behind Hoshun; click here for that post. I know Joe's Superman defense will convince you beyond a doubt that the Hoshun scheme is indeed profoundly scientifical.

Finally, there is the issue that more than one person has commented on, which is that Joe and Pat are spelling the name of their dolly, "Hoshun." Some have speculated that this is merely a branding effort, while some think it's a short-term memory problem on Joe's part, and others think it could be a calculated attempt to avoid sticky issues with the Russian makers of the Hochun doll. In any case...well, behold the power of words and their deeper meanings. Is the operative syllable here, "shun?" Judging from the fact that there has been such an outcry against this scheme, and that even some of Joe's friends and admirers (e.g., Mr2020) think it is absurd, maybe words do carry more power than we think.

On the other hand, there's that first syllable...

PS added 13 November: Mr. Fire has discovered yet another money attractor, this time in Poland. And this one manages to be both idiotic and potentially offensive. Here's an analysis of the scheme from a new blog called MrFire'sPyre.