Never Metatron I didn't like

First of all, I want to apologize for not blogging for a couple of days. Or should I be apologizing for blogging yet again after only a couple of days? Okay, then, I apologize for that too. And I’m sorry I apologize so much. I also apologize to my neighbors up North and across the pond who might prefer that I "apologise." Now that I’ve covered all of my bases, apology-wise (and I apologize if "apology-wise" is not really a word), it’s time to get serious.

The blazing hot topic for the day is that darned airport situation, and how it affects me. I never go anywhere without a bottle of water and a tube of Chapstick® or a generic equivalent. Or at least a stick of cocoa butter. So that pretty much rules out flying for me, at least until the dust settles. I can’t believe they put those extra security measures in place without asking me first.

Okay, now that I have thoroughly covered that issue, it’s time to get to the real topic: energy blocks. No, these are not a kids’ toy, and they have nothing to do with oil, gas or nuclear power. Energy blocks are a serious problem affecting all of us on this mortal coil, preventing us from enjoying complete oneness with Source. Fortunately there are remedies, as I learned the other day when I opened my email.

There, big as life, or even bigger, was a message from…well, I am not sure exactly who it was from, but I think it was a pretty advanced being. The message asked me, "Are you being held back from the being you were created to be by old patterns and old paradigm?" (Yes, that was "paradigm" in the singular.)

The message continued, "Let me tell you about a process I have been given."

I find it worthy of note that these processes are always "given" to the person sending me these messages, but instead of "paying it forward" or "passing it on" by giving it to me, they want to sell it to me. At a really huge markup.

The message continued with this simple but intriguing line: "The purpose of the deprogramming process" – and underneath that was a byline. This was not just any byline, mind you. It was…are you ready for this?...Archangel Metatron himself. The "deprogramming" blurb contained a link, presumably to an article written by Metatron just for me, but, regrettably, the link didn’t work.

There was, however, some information in the body of the email about the energy-block problem, and what could be done about it.

These acquired blockages have occurred in lifetimes where their experiences have been such that they reacted quite negatively to the experience and energetically it sets up a blip of sorts in their energetic field and as more and more of these are acquired it is impossible for them to know who they are in regards to Source. This de-programming process removes all of these blips from the energetic field and allows an opening that they may access to reassess the way that they react to a certain stimulus in their environment and their experiential process. They are able to have a more complete viewpoint and align themselves more fully with a picture of more complete Love for themselves as well as any they are interacting with or in relationship with…It is through this de-programming process that these blockages and blips are removed . And you are then able to access your free will and not be in a state of re-action. So this is the wonderment of the de-programming process.

There was little if anything about what this "deprogramming process" actually was, other than some stuff about an "initiation" involving some "rods." At first I wondered if I should be calling Amnesty International about these people, but then I settled down a bit and realized the activities are probably pretty benign, at least when occurring among consenting adults. I think there are whole web sites devoted to that kind of stuff. (Old joke: "Why do you love that sadist?" "Beats me!")

But back to the energy blocks. Apparently Archangel Metatron wasn’t the only party responsible for this missive, judging from the headline of the message, which read, in all caps, "PROCESS DONE BY ST.GERMAIN AND HIS VIOLET FLAME, FACILITATED BY JACKY P. ROY." And at the very end, after the contact information, was this line, "Channelled (sic) by Joan Walker."

Talk about a group effort. I almost thought I was watching the credits for a movie, except without the gaffers, best boys, hired escorts and the caterer’s cousin.

I gotta tell you that it sure was good to see my old pal Saint Germain (see my August 4 post) and his she-male consort, Violet Flame, whom I first met at a gay bar many years ago. But it was the mention of Metatron that really perked up my energy fields. Matter of fact, speaking of movies, it was in the movies that I first learned about Metatron. I refer, of course, to one of my favorite religious flicks of all times***, and very possibly one of your favorites too, Kevin Smith’s Dogma (1999).

Metatron was skillfully and reverently portrayed in this film by the great Alan Rickman, some time after he hired Tom Selleck to knock off some abos Down Under, and a bit before he was Harry Potter’s nemesis. In the movie, Metatron appears one night in the bedroom of Bethany, played charmingly by Linda Fiorentino. Like me, Bethany had never heard of Metatron before this movie, a point that our grumpy angel spends more than a few moments grousing about. The truth – at least as told in Dogma, and I have no reason to dispute its veracity – is that Metatron is one of the unsung heroes of Angeldom. He’s kind of like God’s stunt double, or as he explains to Bethany, "Any documented occasion where some yahoo claims God has spoken to them, they're speaking of me. Or they're talking to themselves."

When Bethany asks the logical question of why God doesn’t speak for himself, Metatron answers: "Were you to hear God's true voice, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode inside your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out."

My first thought upon watching this scene was that Yoko Ono should have hired Metatron as a singing double. My second thought was, I have to find out more about this Metatron guy. But then I got distracted with other matters of consequence, and years went by. Metatron became Professor Snape. Bethany fought aliens with Will. The world, as Stephen King said in his Dark Tower series, had moved on.

And yet here now is Metatron again, knocking at my electronic door. Could it be mere coincidence that I was having such deep thoughts about him only seven years ago (of course, the number seven is infused with meaning in and of itself), and now I have received this powerful message from him and his buddies? Maybe my thoughts really do create my reality.

So I am thinking, now, of a winning lottery ticket in my hands. Or at least of a day when I can get on an airplane again with my cocoa butter and my bottle of Canadian spring water. This time around, I hope I don’t have to wait seven friggin’ years****. Maybe if I let Metatron, Germain, Violet et al. clear my energy blocks, I’ll see faster results. But I would ask them to please spare the rod. I can't stand pain.

*** Besides Monty Python’s Life Of Brian

**** I apologize/apologise if anyone was offended by the word "friggin’."