Kinky: Why the hell not?

Warning: This post may contain material not suitable for sensitive audiences.

Those of you who are not residents of the Great State of Texas may be a little disappointed when I inform you that, title notwithstanding, this post is not about unconventional sex. You won’t find lurid tales of naughty boys being whipped by gorgeous gals in black leather mini dresses and spiky-heeled boots. You’ll not see one word about beautiful women doing unspeakable things with very large dogs (as this sentence is, in fact, 24 words long).

Instead, this post is about unconventional politics, about one man’s attempt to give Texas politics a good whomping on its behind. However, dogs are involved, sort of, in more ways than one – more on that in a moment.

Before we go any further (though perhaps we have already gone too far), let me reassure you right now that Whirled Musings is not going to be a political blog. Goddess knows there are enough of those on the Net already, and besides, I am about as qualified to write about politics as W is to teach English grammar. (Hey, I didn’t say I wasn’t going to get some potshots in. ***)

No, this is essentially a pop-culture blog, and yes, I know there are tons of those on the Net too. But I am marginally more qualified to write about pop culture than about politics, so when the two overlap I reserve the right to milk it for all it’s worth. And although my intention is to focus mainly on new-age/self-help stuff, I will also occasionally venture into other areas. (Besides, remember that new age credo: “Everything is interrelated!”)

So consider this one of those “other areas.” The Kinky to whom this post is lovingly dedicated is one Richard S. Friedman, commonly known as Kinky, who has been making news lately with his campaign for governor of Texas. And my partner Ron Kaye and I are two of the thousands of Texans, who, profoundly disillusioned with politix-as-usual, are enthusiastically supporting his efforts. To begin with, we signed the petition to get Kinky Friedman on the ballot, and by golly, we were successful. (Well, okay, Ron and I had help from 137,000 other folks or so.)

We Kinky folk have been criticized by many, even those who do not support the incumbent, Rick Perry, and the Grand Oil Party. We’ve been chastised for not supporting a “serious” candidate such as Democrat Chris Bell (Kinky is running as an indie candidate). We’ve been told we’re playing right into the hands of the Republicans, since Kinky doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in Houston of actually getting to the gov’ner’s mansion. But it’s a risk we’re willing to take.

There’s a lot to love about Kinky Friedman, not the least of which is his sheer entertainment value – as well as the entertainment value of those he has enlisted to help him. For example, there is Mojo Nixon, who is described by Wikipedia as “a satirical psychobilly musician known for his boisterousness, his often scathing critiques of pop culture and his libertarian political views.” My kinda guy, in other words, and Kinky’s too, obviously. Mojo was one of many unconventional sorts who did PR work to help get the Kinkster on the ballot. The Houston Press, my town’s alternative weekly rag, ran an article on Mojo back in April of this year. (Warning to sensitive sorts: the article contains profanities.)

According to Mojo, what separates Kinky from the “lying c--k s----rs” (politicians) is that, “One, Kinky's a romantic, a true believer. Kinky is not an evil whoredog.” (See, I told you dogs were involved.)

Mojo elaborates: “He truly believes in the goodness of people, and God bless his ass for that. Two, you can't tell if he's serious or not. It's an Andy Kaufman situation. What the f--k is really going on here? We know what the Democrats and Republicans are gonna do -- they've got a song and dance. They're selling us the same bag of s--t with different colors on it."

According to Nixon, the "whoredogs" are concerned only about their wealthy backers (duh). "They don't give a f--k about me and you,” says Mojo. “Our balls could be on fire, and their mouths could be full of water, and they'd hold it in for the guy that gave 'em the check."

I couldn’t have said it better myself, although I personally wouldn’t have said, “our balls.”

Kinky, as should be abundantly evident by now, is no politician. He rose to fame as a musician and a surprisingly prolific author. He is also an animal lover – and you gotta love a big tough guy who truly adores and understands cats the way he does. In fact he has devoted a big part of his life to rescuing unwanted animals – not just cats, but also dogs (naturally), and horses, cows, donkeys, pot-bellied pigs, birds, snakes…you name it.

So far his detractors, by and large, refuse to take him or his supporters seriously. After all, he’s an entertainer and writer, not a politician. The rebuttal to that is obvious. If a professional wrestler can become governor of Minnesota, if an actor can become governor of California (or president of the US, for that matter), if a village idiot can… Oh, bad, bad Connie. Stop it right this instant.

One clear advantage I can see about Kinky’s gubernatorial campaign is that his opponents won’t be wasting taxpayer money, and endlessly trying our patience, with lame attempts to dig up dirt about Kinky’s wicked past. Near as I can tell, all of his “dirt” is on the surface. It doesn’t take a keen investigative journalist from the very fair and balanced FOX-TV news organization to come to the conclusion that Kinky probably did and does inhale; that he has had sex with lots of women to whom he is not married; and that he has probably never been the kind of guy you would want your daughter to date. Further, he most likely knows what the definition of “is” is, and, for that matter, what it ain’t. So when the inevitable self-righteous posturing starts, when his opponents finally begin to take him seriously and someone steps forth with accusations that he is a profane womanizer who has indulged in numerous recreational substances, his answer will be, “What's your point, Bubba?” Or maybe just, "Thanks!"

Mojo Nixon, according to the Houston Press article cited above, says that Kinky is running a "spiritual" campaign. "If you get that, you get the whole thing immediately," says Nixon. "Arguing over taxes, the details of governing, is boring. Nobody wants to hear about that, and the governor in Texas is just a figurehead. Why not have a fun figurehead?"

Why not indeed? Or, rather…why the hell not?

PS – If you’ve grown bored with reading your “George W. Bushisms” quote-a-day calendar, here is a link to some snippets from the writings of Kinky, who, unlike W, intended to be humorous.

*** Okay, okay…in the interests of providing equal time for the other side: I am about as qualified to write about politics as Bill C is to teach abstinence classes.

• Want to know more about the Kinkster? Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about him.
• Follow the link (while it still works) to this July 18 Washington Post article about Kinky.