No, I’m not talking about those male-member enlargers or performance-enhancement pills that you read about dozens of times every day in emails from severely English-challenged entrepreneurs.* The pill we’re going to look at today is one that will expand your consciousness, not your Johnson (or your guy’s Johnson, if you’re a woman). I made a passing mention of this pill in yesterday’s entry, but it really deserves its very own post.
The magical supplement is called Magneurol6-S™, and although it has apparently been out a year or more, I only learned of it yesterday when Googling astral projection. In the sidebar ad, the product was touted as an astral projection pill, but it does ever so much more. "Paranormal pill rapidly delivers outstanding results within the arenas of Astral Projection, O.B.E. [out-of-body experience], Remote Viewing and paranormal like abilities!" promised the copy. "Magneurol6-S™ is noted to give results as quickly as 30 minutes from initial use, delivering a cascade of outstanding paranormal experiences."
I had to find out more, so I cyber-projected to the home page, where I was greeted with more enthusiastic copy:
Mysterious Magnetic Property Delivers
Powerful Mind Expansion!
Mysterious One-Celled Bacteria discovered to work with magnetic fields!**
Unique Magnetic Properties have been found in the cell and brain tissues of all animals including humans, explaining Extraordinary Animal Sixth Sense...
Use This Discovery to Surpass
Current Human Capabilities by 3,000 Years!
Ah, yes, magnetic properties. I was definitely on familiar ground now. For years, cutting-edge hustledorks have been promoting the miraculous power of magnets. Magnets, they claim, can heal the sick, raise the dead, make the little girls talk outta their heads…oh, wait, that’s The Seventh Son. But magnets are pretty impressive too. And why wouldn’t they be? "Magnet" comes from the same root word as "magic," after all.***
While some closed-minded naysayers totally dismiss the merits of magnet therapy, the edge marketers know better. And I gotta admit that it’s pretty hard to argue with the logic of the Magneurol6-S folks:
Magnetism is one of the most pervasive features of the Universe, with planets, stars and entire galaxies all having associated magnetic fields. It is now possible to tap into a unifying universal force! The potential of this amazing discovery and the realization that we are now able to safely introduce it to our bodies ecosystem creates stunning possibilities to its true application and how it will possibly quantum leap humankind.
(Speaking of English-challenged…)
Looking at the list of ingredients of Magneurol6-S, you might think it’s just another megavitamin supplement. But there is one additional ingredient called magnetitum that purportedly sets this pill apart from everything else on the market. Magnetitum is derived from magnetite, a mineral that is – you guessed it – naturally magnetic. Composed chiefly of iron oxide, it is known in Chinese medicine as Ci Shi, and is indicated for a variety of ailments ranging from dizziness to insomnia to rectal prolapse (don’t even ask. You are better off not knowing). "Animals possess magnetite in their brains and now scientists discover Humans also have it!" exclaims the copy on the Magneurol6-S web site.
We are told that Magneurol6-S has "a unique proprietary blend of specific magnetized properties which compliment cells naturally occurring within your body." Hmmm…they compliment cells? Does that mean these properties are capable of whispering things to our cells to make them feel good? That is really pretty remarkable. Talk about motivation at the most primal level.
To further elucidate the science behind the formula, the Mag6-S folks also present information about "Micro-sized, One-cell Bacteria" that are billions of years more advanced than we are:
These micro-sized, one-cell bacteria, beat humans to the discovery of the magnetic compass by billions of years! Since that time intrigued scientists have discovered micro-bits of magnetite inside many animals such as Dolphins, Sea Turtles, Salmon, Butterflies, Whales, Honeybees, Homing pigeons and a host of others! Whales will migrate over 3,500 miles. Butterflies migrate over 2,796 miles. That distance is roughly 150,000,000 times the average butterfly's body length of 3 centimeters. All of these migratory species demonstrate a mysterious sensory that accurately guides and informs them and they all have magnetite in common!
Okay, I thought, that makes sense. If you eat magnetite – a substance that has been proven to be present in the brains of migratory animals – you should, theoretically, be able to migrate right out of your body. But to where? I wondered. And what if you can only do it at certain set times of the year – say, spring and fall? Besides, if we humans already have magnetite in our brains, as Salmon, Dolphins, Butterflies, Whales, Honeybees, Homing Pigeons and Sea Turtles do, why do we need to ingest more? Puzzled, I read on.
On the How It Works page I found a great deal of information on serious scientific studies about the effects of magnets on homing pigeons and people. Apparently magnets affect the sense of direction in both pigeons and humans. "If human sensory is altered by magnets then, like the pigeons, it can also potentially be enhanced!" reads the copy.
Well, this was all entirely too scientific for me. I still wasn’t sure exactly how magnetite could make me more psychic. But I couldn’t ignore the powerful testimonials.
Each day I used it I could actually feel it amplifying my senses. By the fourth day I was having huge breakthroughs in all of my personal practices!
Day 7 (Journal Excerpt of KT)
Last night I turned all the chaotic psychic energy I had been feeling inward, actually using that sensation to focus. It completely revolutionized my meditation reigniting my spiritual drive and enabling me to experience meditation in a way I never had before. The experience has affected me the entire day. It's like I can feel the collective thought of the entire building.
Day 2 (Journal Excerpt of MS)
This is my second day taking Magneurol6-S™. I took 2 pills around 1pm and unlike yesterday, it REALLY kicked in. About 20 minutes after swallowing the pills, I was on the phone with a customer at work and looked up at my ivy plant above my desk. Out of the blue, and it's hard to explain, but I felt my ivy plant growing! Almost as if it was discharging some sort of information that I could feel while giving it attention. After that, I refocused on the call I was on and was able to really connect.
Right around 2:30pm it really started kicking in HEAVY. My perceptions felt very strange, yet somehow I was taking in more information about my office and the overall feeling of the workplace. I could feel the air, the moderate temperature seemed to stand out and felt pleasurable. I would not say I was spacing out, but I noticed that I felt very pleasurable and was my mind was almost silent. Other then knowing I was awake and aware, I had no thoughts going on. Now that is rare! For the rest of the day I was able to easily and accurately project what others would say to me in calls, before they said it. I also noticed that it was surprisingly easy to communicate hard to explain ideas and subjects with much less effort. I have experienced clear states of mind, and have had days where I felt bright eyed and ready to take on the world, but this felt much different! This may turn out to be very interesting indeed.
And there’s more on (moron?) the Testimonials page.
If all of these glowing testimonials are not proof of this pill’s efficacy, I don’t know what is. But is the pill safe? That’s another matter altogether. I started thinking about some of the things that could go wrong. Let’s say, for example, that you’re taking Mag6-S to help you with astral travel. What if your astral body interprets the whole "migration" thing a little too narrowly – and when the leaves start turning, instead of leaving your physical body and whirling around in some place that’s fun, your etheric bod simply heads south within your physical body? You could spend your entire fall and winter with your astral head in your…well, you know. Or suppose the pill makes your brain super-magnetic, and every time you enter the kitchen…whoosh!…you end up with your head stuck to the refrigerator? At least the kids will have another way to hang their art work, and that’s a good thing, but it could severely affect your own quality of life.
There is, however, no mention of these potential side effects on the Mag6-S web site. There is only this warning: "Magneurol6-S™ was specifically engineered to expand and deliver rapid Paranormal / Metaphysical experiences. If you are suffering from any mental, bio-chemical or emotional instability, please seek the advice of a medical professional."
Magneurol6-S has been written up on other web sites as well, and the Mag6-S folks thoughtfully provided links to these sites, apparently without actually reading the copy on all of them. For example, I found these comments after the Mag6-S write-up on Steve Johnson’s Strange New Products site (I have not edited them for spelling or punctuation):
"I took the pills and I turned purple."
"oh oh my life totally changed when I took these pills. I had less money."
"I RECcOMMEND THIS DRUG TO ANY DRUGY OUT THERE! Wooooooooooooooooooo--- Dailyyyyyyyyyy doooose of dopppppppppeeeeeeee........x_X"
"You're not making people psychic you're making them high!"
"Oh wow now I know how my dog feels. Woof."
"ayoO it made ma penis huge...and ma sex drive has been outrageous..oh yeah the benfits of this pill..is u do get cha 6th sense..let me break it down, u get to feel how spider man feels...and thats spider sense times a hundred!!"
"I ordered this pill and I have been on it for 2 weeks, My penis fell off."
One indignant anonymous soul spoke up in defense of the product: "There is strong scientific evidence supporting their claims. I suggest that before you act like children you read up on it."
So there you have it, children – another miracle pill, backed by strong scientific evidence, and perhaps not so far removed from those other "enhancement" pills after all. It will either make you psychic, or it will alter your anatomy in unexpected ways. Or it could be like the ones that Mother gives you, and not do anything at all. You’ll just have to read the research and decide for yourself. But no matter which pill or supplement you decide to take, or even if you choose not to take any supplements at all, you should always, always remember what the dormouse said: "Feed your head."
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** Speaking of The Magnetic Fields, you really need to check them out if you haven’t already. Start out with "69 Love Songs." It’s great therapy – better than real magnets, even.
*** Okay, not really. Magic comes from Middle English magik, from Old French magique, from Late Latin magica, from Latin magicē, from Greek magikē, from feminine of magikos, of the Magi, magical, from magos, magician, magus. Magnet, on the other hand, comes from Middle English, from Old French magnete, from Latin magnēs, magnēt-, from Greek Magnēs (lithos), Magnesian (stone), magnet, from Magnēsiā, Magnesia, an ancient city of Asia Minor. But it sounded plausible, didn’t it? And isn’t that good enough?
Labels: Supplements for suckers, Tools for the conspicuously enlightened